Today, I found my brain trying to sabotage my day on the way to work. It does that sometimes – I’ll start dwelling on incredibly stupid and inconsequential things, and it’ll just screw me up into a fevered pitch. It’s horrible because it has such a powerful physical effect on me; I’ll actually start getting all adrenaline-fueled and fisty, and that makes me annoyed at being annoyed at being annoyed at… you get the idea. I’m happy when I can catch it before it gets that far, but it still leaves a bit of a mark!
It actually kind of makes me laugh ruefully, as I was talking on this subject with Heather in the past week. We both fancy ourselves amateur shrinkydinks, and we both wholeheartedly agree that a large proportion of my problems and ailments are self-inflicted; I’m Queen of Psychosomatic Masochism, apparently. But we also agree that a lot of it is due to sanity-preserving survival methods acquired over many long years of a not-so-‘normal’ upbringing – they might not be the healthiest ways of getting by, but it’s what I learned… and subsequently need to unlearn. I think I generally am good at spotting these things in time… but obviously, time, time, time…
One of the things that is fuelling today’s fires are, as the title would suggest, having to wait. I’m still waiting to hear on my citizenship. I’m still waiting to hear on a medical consultation (which I should’ve heard about weeks ago – might have to ask the doctor about it again, even though I know he’s done his bit), and so on. I also got hit with the double whammy of annoyance at still no playgroup love; I’d spotted yet another message board-esque spot in the village I’d not seen before, and then an email from my mother to my in-laws urges them to help us find a group. Nugh Mother – everyone here is trying; there’s just not a lot to be found! Having said that, I’ve not checked the Methodist church…
Though having said that, it minds me of something that needs to be said, and often – back off. Nobody should be made to feel guilty for what they can or cannot provide. Sure, I get wanting the best for kids, and that what we did or didn’t have influences what we want to see for others. I suspect that most of us beat ourselves up enough that there’s no need for someone else to join in with it; it’s not an invitation, whatever others may think. Which reminds me – read this what I read yesterday:
The Mom Pledge – Guest Blog
While the guest blogger has a blog name that makes my skin crawl (I really, REALLY don’t like the term ‘supermommy’ – it makes me think of ‘I sacrifed everything for this!’ and while that’s totally not her intent or her life and she looks pretty cool, it does’t make me feel less crawly), I thoroughly appreciate the sentiment espoused. I’ve actually seen a lot of people standing up across all walks of life and interests to call for people to quit being dicks to each other; it gives me hope for humankind. I get incredibly pissed off when people are tolerant/permissive of other people being nasty to each other, or thinking that clique behavior is appropriate in the slightest. Sure, people want to belong, but I’ll never understand wanting to belong at that sort of cost.
In short – be excellent to each other. I cannot stress this one enough. And obviously, it serves to remind me to be kindly to people, and if I can’t? Thoroughly and completely deny their existence, ’cause it’s probably best for everyone involved. 😉