One of the oh-so-not-fun things about having mental health issues is fixation. While everyone has the occasional moment where they get stuck on something, it is probably not an everyday battle. I thought I had finally gained the upper hand with being medicated, but as I was reminded yesterday and today – I really haven’t. It can still sneak up, stealing energy and sanity by insisting that one over-think trivial things that are of absolutely no concern to one’s immediate life and times. ‘Let it go,’ some might say, earning themselves a hard, flat look. If it were that simple, then it wouldn’t be a reoccurring issue, now would it? That isn’t to say that letting go is a bad or an impossible option; it merely is more difficult for some compared to others. One such as myself can sit there reasoning to the moon, doing breathing exercises and trying to clear the mind, only for the intrusive thoughts to spring back up twice as strongly as punishment for trying to shove such aside.
Thankfully, these things do fade in time, but making it through the time period can be daunting. When you’re spending all that time trying to fight off fixations and negative thoughts, you lose a lot of energy and time that could be better spent. It can become a maddening internal stand-off; knowing what the right thing to do is and trying to do it doesn’t always garner success in the Battle of the Brainwaves. But at the least, one can try, and if lucky, applied methodology will start to work. I know things can with enough practice, but it doesn’t make it an easy slog by any stretch!
For me, I’m going to get back to my coffee (and maybe opt for a third cup today; my brain is thickly layered in cobwebs), try to clear my mind, and fill it with accounts. It won’t make the fixation go away, but it might push it to the back long enough for my brain to give up in its most recent self destruction attempt.
For the rest of y’all – have a pleasant day; may it be free of negative thought and undue worry.