Today, my mind feels sort of flushed out; it’s nice. I caught myself engaging in negative fixation behavior earlier this week, and that’s always a battle. There’s room for more of that with my next psych appointment being next week, but I might have actually already burned myself out on that a month or two ago; I guess that’s the advantage of having to wait a while?
That isn’t to say that my mind is completely blank, mind. I find myself both wanting to draw and write, though still not quite motivated to do either. I’m also thinking a lot about my daughter, and enjoying watching her development. It might sound odd, but little acts of being checked in like that are big things for me, as I often feel adrift in my own mind. Just curling up with my little girl in her new bed and cuddling while teasing a cat – it’s bliss, and I appreciate it because it’s so hard for me to tune in and process that stuff is happening. Is it any wonder then that I feel adrift and depressed?
Still, I know it can get better in time. The fact that I do work hard to acknowledge these things makes it more likely that I can, in time, break negative cycles and center better on what’s happening in front of me. After all, if other people can do it, surely me with my nigh-on indomitable will and stubbornness can too! It just requires defeating the catch-22 that is being lost in one’s own mind to recognize and accept help… which y’know… requires escaping the safe zone that protects oneself from the rest of the world. Fun, right? Ah well, I’ll get there some day. Life, after all, isn’t a footrace – it’s a meander.
Anyhoos, back to my coffee, and hopefully to getting some work done like a boss! Hope the rest of y’all have a fantastic Friday (har har), and all of that jazz.