Yesterday’s post pleased me for existing – how have I come far enough to write such things without freaking out? I mean, okay – I probably could have before, but it would have come with physical illness from over-stressing about it. It serves as a nice affirmation that I can say things, deep and possibly intensely personal things (even if they don’t seem as such!), things that I think need saying because they might help someone else… without talking myself out of it for fear of reprisals.
Having said that, I’m sort of plateaued for the moment on my personal progress. That’s fine; personal growth and healing isn’t a footrace, it’s a marathon. I’m still slightly stumped as to how to meet new people locally, though every now and again providence throws out a bone. For example, over on a local blog, there’s a piece about a new Mexican restaurant that is going to open soon. Fantastic – as a Texan, I’m all about some proper Mexican food. And I’ve known for some time that there are quite a few Texans around my town here, though I’ve yet to personally meet one. On said blog, on said post, another person said howdy (okay, not really howdy, but as another Texan…), and suggested we meet up sometime. Part of me is gibbering; I admit that I do have some nervousness about breaking out of my shell after being stuck in it for so long. But I responded pointing the person extending the invite over here to the contact form (so email addies aren’t out in the clear, natch), so we’ll see how that goes. It’s baby steps like that that will serve me so well, and likely (fingers crossed) will have some basis of similarity enough to form a relationship. Or not – the point is, it’s sort of trying, if only because it was handed to me on a platter.
There are definitely some things that I know I could do that would make real progress in this getting out regard. For example, I still don’t have a British driver’s license; I know that if I get one, I’d be more likely to pootle off and park myself at random coffee shops, or go shopping on my lonesome. I know, I know – there are busses, but I have some incredibly severe anxiety/perfectionist complexes that insist that I have 500% control over when I come and go from places. While that is an area that could probably use some work, it is so far on the back burner as to be irrelevant towards addressing at this time. Baby steps, remember? License first, freedom to come and go on my terms while relying on only myself – I did it for years, and being able to do it again will be a very important foundation piece. There’s also… um… I guess that’s the biggest thing holding me back at the moment, heh. I always gets pushed down the list by more important things, like getting my British passport, or what’s sitting on my plate right now – changing my name in my US passport. It’s not like it’s a hard task – it’s just that myself and the husband manage to forget daily because of Things™®. I’ll keep reminding myself in these ways though, and hopefully will actually remember to get it done in the next month or two before it gets dire.
So yeah, I know some of what needs doing, and I look forward to broaching these things… but I won’t force myself too much. Only I know what the right pace is for myself, and the lifetime of improvements goes to show that I might have some idea what I’m doing. 😉
Have yourselves a lovely humpday!