Inspired by Alice’s biographical post of the other day, I feel inspired to follow suit. The problem with that? Focus. Focus focus, who’s got the focus? It’s not me, and that is a bit of a perennial problem. Writing things in advance is difficult for me because of this; I’m still amazed that I’ve managed to get anything into my notebook as per my clever plan. Maybe if I can get myself to jot an outline… maybe that would make a difference? As much as I hated them in school, they are sort of useful for getting points down to build off of. Hrm…
It also doesn’t help that I’m especially off in my head right now. I’ve neglected to do anything chore-like for the bulk of this week. My husband is an awesome trooper and gets things done faster than I can blink most times, for which I am grateful. I avoid spending my time beating myself up for what is because frankly? That seems like one of the quickest routes to Depressionville. I’ve managed to stay afloat for a few months now, and I am not going to let my mind’s nasty cheap tricks work their ill against me. That just means it will eventually find and try other ones… but I continue to thank zod/deity/science that my meds continue to mainly keep those unpleasant elements strapped down.
But still, I should see if I can muster an outline at least. It will be cathartic to write out things, especially if my family continues to neglect coming by; this frees me to be more honest without fear of being told that I am wrong about how I feel. I am not wrong about how I feel – my feelings are valid, period, end of. It’s doing me more good than I ever possibly realized to finally realize this… which is probably a redundant and obvious statement in the scheme of things. But if it’s something you didn’t know, how could you have known? But it is good, and it is helping me, and it is making me stronger and less guilty.
And speaking of lack of guilt, back to some guilt-free Sims indulgence. It feels lovely to be trawling through a Legacy again. I might not get very far (the game is a glitchfest of shite coding, to be brutally honest), but that’s okay – as long as I’m having fun with my time.