I’m still rocking this cold, and if anything, it’s worse today. It hurts my jaw when I sneeze, my ears keep popping, and there’s a heavier layer of woozy. Which means I’m freely, though cheerfully complaining… and I will continue to. I don’t tag myself as whiny, but I DO complain about things that annoy me (such as being sick) freely. Why? Because that’s my version of letting go; by getting it off my chest to a (hopefully!) willing audience, I pass it from something that can bother me to something that is released and beyond my control. That isn’t to say I’m going to sit here and refuse to blow my nose ’cause it hurts, or that I’m not going to take medicine — I’m just hitting acceptance that it is what is for the time being.
I admit — one probably could throw it firmly into the compulsion basket. I have to do this; times where I am prevented to by an unwilling audience telling me to shut it has reduced me to tears. I once even fled my house and hid out at a nearby park for an hour once after being told to shut up by an unreceptive boyfriend (ex-boyfriend, obviously – as if one should marry someone who can’t handle tiny grumbles!). I also think it better to get it out rather than bottling it until some large explosion occurs — anger is addictive, and I would prefer to not succumb to constant rage. It damages a person body and soul. Oh sure, we NEED to get angry sometimes as that’s natural. And I’m sure people who I haven’t talked to for years think me an angry person; anxiety doesn’t lend itself well to sublime calm. But if I had to pick between the two, I’d opt for calmer with a little grumble, rather than everything risking a conflagration because there is no space for logic to work its soothing magic. Even at my worst, letting it out in tiny gasps as I can has done a lot to keep things from being worse.
So then, grumble ahoy! My face pressure is so borked that my jaw hurts when I blow my nose — I have never experienced such a thing in my life! I am fairly woozy, my throat is somewhere between sore and mucus-laden, my sinuses are shoving more mucus into my mouth. But on the upshot, I can still breathe nearly fully clearly, my bones and muscles as a whole don’t ache, and in spite of my head pains, I don’t really have anything resembling a headache. So yanno… there’s my grumbles released into the wild through a couple of mediums, and hopefully I’ll not feel the need to repeat myself tomorrow. I probably will, ha ha, but that’s okay too. I’m not demanding anything by them — I’m just letting them go. 🙂