I’m sitting here thanking deity for the light breeze drifting in the door, cutting down the stifling humidity. The sky is that sort of overcast that seethes with light, blinding more than direct sunlight ever could. I do hope that the rain breaks, and soon.
I’m also in a ‘rest’ day of this week, sort of. Yesterday was my semiweekly crafting group, which is just about the perfect spacing for a social event to me. Weekly makes things feel too habitual, while every other week feels spaced out enough to not feel imposing on one’s schedule. I like to keep an empty schedule; it helps keep anxiety at bay. So the fact I’ve got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, the Olympic torch coming by my house, and an out-of-town visit over the next couple of days leaves me hoping I don’t end up feeling terribly overwhelmed. I’m sure there are people who will read that and just chalk it up to laziness, but that’s fine — they are ignorant and don’t know any better. When anxiety is the operative mode, onehas to be a tad avoidant to keep from rubbing salt into open wounds. When you add on a tendency to keep piling atop to keep momentum going, well… it’s a pretty lose/lose situation. Being where I am now is definitely doing me a world of healing — I likely will come out on Monday feeling fine and not too beaten up. And each time I can very very carefully, and very very slowly add/re-add to the pile, the better capable I will be in general when it comes to trying to achieve some semblance of normalcy. The battle against panicky instincts – what fun!