I commented to one of my best friends yesterday that I do my best to not wallow in self-doubt… which means I’m having a dose of it today. Irony, thy name is irony.
Thankfully, I’m not doing too much in the doubting regard. I have stayed at home today, and the doubt comes in because I wonder whether or not I’m being especially wussy for having stayed in. Should I have made myself tough out another day at work, or did I make the right decision by avoiding people? I know I’m feeling vaguely saner today now that I’m on my lonesome, but I also felt there was a real risk of depression clubbing me over the head with nobody at hand to talk past it with. It as I’ve said – whatever choice I make, whatever action I do… it’s going to be wrong somehow. And that’s about where I draw myself up, lest I trick myself into funking harder than I am.
So yeah… here’s hoping that today is enough to sort of balance me out enough to drag myself into work tomorrow. The temptation to stay home ‘forever’ and let my brain’s self-destruction win is very high right now. But here I am, still trying to push through it, and hoping the tide turns soon.