As I’m sitting here reflecting on travel and family and the stress-inducing interaction of the two, I’m wondering what my mood is going to be like when we make our trek stateside. I’ve been bumping along pretty crappily for months now; will I be in such straits then? The chances of that are pretty good, seeing how Bipolar II is heavily coloured by all the depression in the world. I am, of course, hopeful that I’m burning through all the depression time now (ha ha ha) to be happier and functional then, but I’m not counting on it.
What I am hoping for at best is that the time change and the dealing with so many people won’t cause me to have a breakdown. I’ve always had a problem with ‘too much input’, and being around so many people excited to see me is going to be incredibly wearying for an introvert like myself. I don’t thrive on excitement — I internalize it and end up with a face full of fever blisters. And I end up feeling like the bad guy for trying to set firm boundaries to protect myself (though less so now that meds mean I’m less anxious, and less likely to bite someone’s face off). But the waiting, oh the waiting… it leaves a lot of time for the mind to try and sabotage itself.
But eh, it’ll probably be okay. I know what I’m up against, and have better tools to get along with. I do hope depression recedes enough for me to be able to make the most of my time, but I’ll make do as I always have done. 🙂