As I’ve been sitting here this morning noon trying to dredge my mind for thoughts and reflections, I instead hit upon a batch of questions as pertains to trying to blog daily about living with Bipolar. Do my efforts somehow make me plucky, or some sort of an ‘inspiration’? Or does it make people uncomfortable due to the under-the-rug preference people have for unpleasant things? Do I really care what others think in that regard? Perhaps I feel slightly conceited, as if I were inflating my own self-worth and self-importance… but if I don’t value myself, who else will?
As usual, it’s all sort of a mental muddle. It’s the usual tug-of-war of ego and psyche, of positive and negative, trying to pull me down while I try to keep my head above water. It leaves me wary of thinking too much, for fear that some negative thought will worm its way in and drag me straight to the bottom. As anyone with Bipolar or some flavour of depression knows, it can happen lightning fast. So a muddle in the mud and existing on hold – what joy. *snorts* But one does what one must do to survive.