One of the things that many people don’t think about when it comes to bipolar is those living with those who have bipolar. Yes, I know many of y’all find me and my ilk annoying because we don’t conform neatly to societal norms, but you can ignore us and go on your way. People like my husband, however, can not.
As I’ve noted, I’ve not been doing that great this month. It has nothing to do with holidays (I love ’em), or the short days (I love ’em) — it’s just luck of the crappy draw. And my husband is a very sensitive and caring person who has lots of empathy for my day-to-day suffering, and it of COURSE has an effect on him, no matter how much I try to keep it in my own little bubble. And one of the joyful *snark* side effects of having no energy for anything whatsoever is that it is very hard to give my care-giving partner the recognition and support he needs. I do what I can in words and hugs and trying to complete chores as I find the ability to, but it doesn’t change the fact that he selflessly tries to hold his hurts and feels back from me so that they don’t complicate the already chaotic mess that is my default state. Then I add to it without meaning to, and it’s a bit of a mess all the way around.
That isn’t to say that we normally have problems — I think we both try really hard to take care of each other to the best of our abilities. It just means that sometimes we both run out of strength because we are both human. We had a little momentary incident this morning, but it passed and hopefully we’ll be able to gather our spoons and soldier onward. It’s just hard when we don’t know how long the not great times are going to last, yanno?
Anyways, I am completely wiped by dint of existing, so I’m going to go hunker down until I need to bake. It’s my daughter’s birthday today, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t make something sweet for her!