This month seems hellbent on being super-busy; I cannot wait until it’s past and we’re back to calmer waters. Having said that, perhaps the extra stuff is helping keep my brain from finding reasons to freak out? It’s a probability, but that doesn’t meant I like doing and doing so much either. I keep expecting to hit a point where I just totally break down from doing too much, though I suspect that’s not as likely to happen as I think it could. After all, I’ve been using avoidant behavioral patterns to keep myself from overdoing it, so there’s a real likelihood my actual limit is further out that I realize.
Whatever the case, I guess I can be thankful that I still feel on edge. It definitely helps stop me from getting to that point so many bipolar-havers hit where they think they don’t need their meds anymore. That isn’t to say that people are unable to self-manage, especially after years of experience with cocktails and the like, but I’m new to medication and knowing that I’m bipolar. It is definitely not the time for me to consider whether or not being unmedicated is an option, yanno? But also, I did self-manage for so long that I am beyond grateful for the bit of help pharma brings into my life.
Anyhoos, I shall just have to keep on keeping on.