Sometimes, but not very often, I will have a faint flicker of creative inspiration. And when I do, I usually seize it and run with it, because it feels good to know that my brain is ‘working’ well enough to reward me with a smidgen of creativity. And yet, I will always ache and long for when I was 12 — in those days, I had so much creative inspiration flowing through me that my sketchbook exploded in relative glory. I don’t know if that sketchbooks survived the water heater busting and flooding my old room, but wisps of things coloured still drift across my brain, teasing me.
That isn’t to say that I beat myself up over the lack either. I’ve just about broken myself of extensive self-flagellation, which can only be good. I do wonder if the spark is a herald of hypomania, but what can I do but enjoy such when it comes? Well, and hope it’s not a definitive herald of depression to return. With having a couple of good months sandwiched around that depressed December… I’m still not sure what to expect of anything.
Onto a tangent of sorts, then. I was at my Stitch ‘n Bitch group last night, and was talking to one of the other ladies with whom I hadn’t conversed with much before. I’m very open about my bipolar because I want to help undemonize it, and (like I do here) share my experiences. She asked me a few questions about bipolar because she felt she might have it as well. Obviously, I’m not a doctor, but as I commented — it seems that physical doctors don’t want their patients to know too much (internet hypochondriacs for the lose, ha ha), but mind doctors seem to be happier if you know everything and then some. So I made some comments on my experience and she added some of hers, and it sounds like she might have a case to present. The thing we both agreed on that has been the hardest is that neither of us want to make a fuss or seek attention — we both want to have happier healthier lives. So I hope she’ll have some more things to think about to take back to her doctor, and that she continues to find the strength to not self-medicate in the interim (we both had a lot of mutual commiserations in that regard).
I guess that’s about it for today. Back to mulling in my brain.