Considering I am terrible about adding media, I figured I’d add a vaguely relevant song. It’s got the word ‘alone’ in the title, so that’s close enough. *whistles*
I ended up going out tonight to a crafting-related event. I drove myself, by myself, to the other side of town to sit in a room full of strangers. I’m sure there are a lot of people who think ,’So?’ to this, but hrm… bipolar + introvert = not the ideal thing to do! But neither is huddling at home, so making little jaunts of this nature are good, especially since I need to relearn how to do this in the post-alcohol world.
Now, when I say introvert, I mean exactly that. I am not shy, nor am I socially inept. I was chatting the vast majority of my time there with any number of people I’d never met before, and it was pleasant and probably the inroads to possible future friendships. But what I enjoyed the most, and what I’d forgotten I’d loved so much, is just how good it feels to be in a room full of people while being utterly alone. Obviously, that has a dark side too that bipolar//depression//anxiety//etc can exploit, but because it’s been 6 or 7 years since I’ve regularly had this sort of opportunity, I had forgotten how delightful it can be. To sit there and watch people go about doing their thing. To exchange passing pleasantries with no need to be pinned down to conversation or a certain chair or whatever. It is especially nice when paired with events that aren’t boozy; it makes for an overall pleasant retraining experience.
So yeah, I had a good time, but with it comes a potential risk — booking myself up. While I’m tentatively okay with taking on more social outings, I don’t want to overdo it either with weekly/biweekly commitments. I don’t want to be gallivanting around while my husband is stuck at home being mom (which he is excellent at). I will be doing a lot of thinking in the near future on what shape my social calendar should take, to say the least. But for now, I can say I had a successful outing that didn’t trigger any bipolar//depression//anxiety issues (even with the hell that is parallel parking!), and that it bodes well for trying to get out of the house more.