Funny how the time gets away from a person over the holidays. Is it the extra sleeping? Is it the extra familial company? Who knows, ha ha. I have totally been getting some extra sleep, and I think it’s actually been doing some good (not common with my chronic fatigue), but really, I just need to work on getting to bed earlier. I didn’t go to bed until midnight last night and I was really freaking cross at the world for that. Totally my fault, but still.
I hit a point since the last post where I finally had to break down and give myself a tiny little boost to my Seroquel. I have a pile of 25mgs that have built up over time from doses being tinkered with, and when I am having an especially bad spell, I’ll take one. Just one. It usually does a really good job of filling in the cracks in the me-foundation, enough to get my head back together and in the right direction. Of course, it helps that the baby seems to be passed whatever this last ‘wonder week’ or whatever the frack it was.
Lately, I’ve been starting to feel a bit… hopeful. I was bitter a lot during my pregnancy because my chronic fatigue was so severe. And of course, there’s no actual cure for it, so I felt pretty stymied. I know that it’s likely related to endometriosis, and hopefully, I can beat a doctor into taking that one seriously. So many seem to be dismissive of it unless it affects fertility, which um… not a problem in my case. I’ve got a laundry list of things that are likely caused by/related to it, but that’s not one of them. I’ve decided that the first step is going to be if I can get a doctor to put me on a permanent contraceptive, something that will stop periods. One doesn’t need a monthly to be healthy, and in my case, not having one would likely make me a lot healthier. I avoided taking the birth control pill my entire life because hrm… oh… hormones… and a broken brain that is very swingy… yeah. I didn’t see it as a particularly bright combination! I know one can take the pill for a few months while skipping over the sugar days with no particular problems, but that’s a short-term thing for like, vacations or whatever. So it’ll probably be getting an implant and/or an IUD. I’m not too worried about the doctor approving that. What I’m more worried about is getting one to sign off on a laparoscopy to look for endometriosis, as that’s the only way to diagnose it. And that, plus chronic fatigue, means I’ve not booked in to see the doctor quite yet because I need the spoons to deal with the potential rejection, as well as the brain power to put my case together cogently.
But that’s not why I’m feeling hopeful. I just have felt lately like I can do more things again. Not a lot, but like… I did NaNo again and didn’t send myself into a tailspin. I’ve been able to be more and more out with opinions on matters that I am passionate about without fearing abuse and attacks//having to tolerate the person attacking me to ‘be nice’. I’ve been well enough on some level to be able to actually allow myself to improve, and maybe even excel at things I enjoy.
Having said that, I’m just kicking back and enjoying myself right now. Lots of gaming, and lots of knitting. No snow, which makes me stick my tongue out at Mother Nature, but ah well. Maybe for my birthday next month?
Hope everyone is doing well out there, and having a great holiday season.