Right now, I am joining the lovely Marisa in gritting my teeth and admitting that I am depressed. I’d been teetering on the edge for some time with occasional spikes coming out of The Pit of Nothing™®, but mainly I’d been able to hold it together. Then I had two shitty things happen in one morning, and off into The Nothing. Rude. It’s been paired up with some rather severe headaches, which serves as a distraction of sorts, but really. Really.
It’s also annoying because at the same time, I’m having a lovely time. I’m enjoying my hobbies and my family, which are the two most important things in my life. I feel legit happy, the whole warm swelling heart full of joy sort of thing. Is it hypomania? I am thinking no, not really. I don’t have any drive to do a million things or to spend irresponsibly — even having been handed a wodge of cash for my birthday and Christmas from my in-laws, I’m only halfway through it, AND I tend to cross-reference every purchase with my husband out of respect for family finances. I don’t -have- to and I am sure he trusts me to spend wisely, but by the same token, he’ll let me know when he’s waffling over buying something for himself. Irritability? Well yes, some, but that’s to be expected with a six-year-old who repeats everything 20 times, and a ninja toddler who steals everything she’s not supposed to (and then follows up getting caught by kind of hilarious hysterics).
It’s sort of weird to be depressed and mainly happy at the same time, but it’s that whole ‘chemical sad’ that I’ve mentioned in past posts. I am hoping that upping my antidepressant again will do the do, but we’ll see what Dr. K thinks when I see her next week. I’m seriously hoping that’s the route we go, as I don’t want to change medications yet. Sertraline (Zoloft) has generally worked for me. It was doing fine until I came off of it due to pregnancy, and it’s well… I don’t know. Maybe it hasn’t done as well since I’ve gotten back on it. Maybe it’s crashing and burning faster. Or maybe it’s not working as well because I put on weight thanks to the Depakote… thanks Depakote, ‘winning’ where Seroquel didn’t. *mutters*
So yeah, woo feeling on the brink of tears for no reason. It’s grand. *rolls eyes* Bored of it all already. Hopefully y’all out there are doing better than that though.