I’ve been in to see my psychiatrist today, and let me tell you, I am feeling so much better even if at the same time I’m feeling soul-crushingly depressed.
First of all, I’d not seen her since September. I get the idea that the appointment gap was an oversight, and I expressed that I wasn’t mad at her for being a part of an overstretched and under-appreciated system. Dr. K commented that she wasn’t looking for appreciation, but anyways. We had a lot to cover with that sort of time gap, especially with side effects and increased depression and whatnot. The med plan devised for the moment was:
- Dropping the Depakote back to 500mg a day (though splitting it 250/250)
- Upping the sertraline (Zoloft) to 150mg a day from 100mg
- Leaving the quetiapine (Seroquel) alone for now, but…
((and this is the best bit))
That we’d discuss it when we reconvene next. In two weeks. Which is already booked. I could freaking weep, yo. While I totally try to stay cheerful and positive, this depression I’ve gotten into is bad. This is crisis-level shit for me, and my doc knows it enough to make sure she’s on the ball with getting me back on track. After all, I’ve got a family to be able to help take care of, and yeah… I’m not contributing much to that. I don’t know that things are going to pick up quickly over the next two weeks, but we’ll see.
One of the things I have been fighting really freaking hard for over the past couple of years has been trying to get an ADHD diagnosis. I’ve been referred for it three times now. The first two were rejected, and the third we’ve not heard back on. I have higher hopes of it getting through now that my hospital is under a different mental health trust, one closer to the place they actually do ADHD diagnoses in this country. Dr. K pulled Dr. Z in to our appointment to discuss how to progress with that; in addition to being the head doctor locally, he’s also reputedly an expert on ADHD. I was pleased to find that our knowledge base was more similar than it was last we spoke (which was like, two and a half years ago). There has been a lot of new research let out, especially in regards to women, ADHD, and aging, so he was significantly happier counting me as assessed and ready to be properly treated/medicated by the right people. So while it’s still not the diagnosis that I need, it’s finally starting to feel like it’s getting somewhere.
As I commented at the top, the NHS is stretched paper-thin by a disgusting government hoping to sell off prized national institutions to their little rich crony friends. They make a lot of bleating noises about establishing parity of care while cutting funding for mental health treatment in actual terms year on year. While yes, I did suffer a rather disturbing lapse of primary touching base between now and back in September, I’m still luckier than most. I’m in the system. I have a doctor who cares passionately about making sure that I am in as good of mental health as possible. Yeah, it could be better, and I had to deal with a lot of bullshit before I got to this point I am at now… but at least it feels like I’m taken seriously and that I don’t have to wail and gnash my teeth and pull out my hair to be taken seriously.
*sighs tiredly* Right y’all, I’m off. It’s my beloved best-husband’s birthday if any of you guys want to wish him a happy one, and I (as usual) hope that all of y’all out there are doing well.