Since getting my psych to put me back on the extended release Seroquel, I… I think I’ve been feeling better? It’s a really slow going thing, and doesn’t negate the fact that even in the best spells I’m going to have random anxiety or depressive jags of shorter natures.
But like… I willingly left the house twice in one week. I am for the most part happy to be a house-bound cripple; I’m so deeply introverted that I need a lot of space and quiet to function at my best. The first outing was walking a grand total of 0.2 miles round trip to the Post Office and back with the littlest in tow. I was dropping off a parcel for my BFFFFF for his birthday in the hopes it *might* get there before his birthday. I almost didn’t make it out the door ’cause Littlerbit mad me carry her upstairs to get her ready, and as I make very solidly muscular children, she’s a heavy load. I was really proud of myself because executive dysfunction + chronic fatigue means that it’s exceedingly difficult to get myself doing things outside of the bubble that is my awesome nest.
I then got out of the house again on the invite of my dear friend, Emma (whose son is my eldest’s best friend). She had gotten wind of a knitting group at the local Hobbycraft, and did I want to tag along. To my amusement, it was the same thing that convinced us it might be a good place to go — the inclusion of 3 other members of our Stitch ‘n Bitch group. So I managed to organise us rides to and from, and were given the extra reassurance (unasked, so even better!) that if we needed rescuing, it was a phone call away. We had a pretty good time. I’m not sure we’d make it a regular event to attend, but at least we made ourselves do it.
Now, I’m not saying that means I’m back to okay or good or whatever — just that whatever the case, I managed more than I thought I could do without pushing myself too badly. I think. It’s so hard to tell where the line is, but I guess that because I’ve not gone all screamy and freaking out on anyone really is probably a good sign that things are in the right direction. I think.
Admittedly, I do the same thing that I’ve always done to try and help me get through — keep busy. As anyone who follows my Instagram might’ve picked up, I’m sort of on a knitting planning and shopping spree right now. I tend to recommend knitting to any of my friends dealing with a mental illness, ’cause it’s a good thing to sort of zen focus on. And yanno, you end up with something neat at the end, which scratches that satisfaction that comes from producing something. I think I would love it if I didn’t have to deal with bipolar and its Uncaring Cousins™®, but there’s something deeply satisfying about forcing bipolar out of my head by making myself kick-ass clothing.
Anyways, hope y’all out there are doing well.