Equanimity :noun equa·nim·i·ty \ˌē-kwə-ˈni-mə-tē, ˌe-kwə-\
:calm emotions when dealing with problems or pressure
Equanimity has been something that I have been seeking my entire life. Between untreated mental health issues and my not-than-healthy growing up home life, I tended to be a violent, angry lashy person. I’m sure that would surprise a lot of people who have only known me the last couple of years, as I’ve been able to make massive personal improvements with my improved circumstances. I’m still not perfect — I still have a tendency to blow up over little things, but! The blow up of today is miniscule compared to the nuclear blasts of the Beforetimes (go go oblique book reference!).
So yes, bit of background proffered, and on to yesterday. Yesterday, I woke up with a message from a friend that my Instagram account had been hacked. As I’d linked it with Facebook it wasn’t too hard to get it back and change the password, but the damage was already done — the spambutt (as I’m calling the person who took my account for that bit of time) had followed thousands of accounts. Thousands. Considering the number before that was something like, 114… yeah, naw. And oh, Instagram locks you out if you try to delete ‘too many’ accounts, so I only managed to pare a thousand and a bit off before it wouldn’t let me unfollow anyone. Add in it being a holiday weekend in the States, and I can’t get anyone working for Instagram to freaking respond to my requests for help (or at the very least, to not get locked out for trying to tidy up shop).
I think that most people would be annoyed and stressed if that happened to them. After all, both are reasonable and healthy responses to an upsetting situation. But somehow, I took it mainly on the chin. Yes, I’m frustrated, and yes, I’m annoyed… but I’m not screaming or sobbing or throwing things outside of a few minutes of original ‘please children adults are talking ktnx’ terseness yesterday morning while we tried to sort out what was going on. And since I can’t do anything with it right now, as much as it annoys me, I’m doing my best to do other things to distract from fixating on it. Could I do better? Sure. One can always do better. But compared to what used to be ‘normal’, I’m freakin’ Buddha on a cloud here.
So yeah, doing alright. Better than alright in that aspect. I felt that I deserved to pat myself on the back for that sort of thing, because maybe it’s a minor step to others, it’s a huge one for me. 🙂
Hope all of y’all out there are doing okay.