I know, I haven’t been around here much. I went from not having much to say to having too much to say to just being super busy with life in general. The overarching picture continues to be good, though I had a period of a couple of weeks where I was crippled with anxiety and paranoia and sadness due to a negative interaction with a ‘friend’. The long and the short on that relationship is that I thought we had one where we could be candid with each other, and I was horribly, terribly wrong. It’s someone that I can’t avoid because she’s part of my meatspace social group, but at least I know now to smile blandly and not trust her.
The irony about that incident? It happened the day after my first psych appointment in a million years. I *think* I’m roughly pencilled in for like, February now. Hopefully things will be mainly good between now and then, though I am thinking I might ask whether or not I can get a prescription for some sort of benzo for spot anxiety. I’m normally fine, and yes, I ‘survived’ that stressful post-incident period, but my quality of life and level of functionality was very low.
I also started thinking about an aspect of my mental health life that I’d not though on much — delusions. I realised I had to admit to myself that I suffer from a few. The biggest one is that my brain is convinced I was married once before, and the reason nobody knew about it was that it was short-lived and I was ashamed and didn’t tell my friends. I know I wasn’t married before, but tell that to my brain. Similarly, I was convinced last week that my sister was engaged. I don’t know whether it was something that I had a dream about that stuck or not, but it was a relief that I was scheduled to Skype with her within a few days of that implanting in my head. Having her straighten that out ‘face to face’ was really good for getting that one in check.
That’s really the main bits, I guess. I’m here, I’m mainly doing well. And while, yes, I’ve been rubbish about blogging here regularly, I am blogging here daily. So if I’ve gone quiet here and any of y’all want to make sure I’m still going, there’s the quick and dirty way to check. I will try to get myself back into gear in regards to writing here, and *groan*, hopefully finally get around to sorting through accumulating Bipolar Blogger Network emails.