Preoccupation. Preoccupied. I have things that my head wants to fixate on so hard that I’ve managed to go past thinking about them and fixating on, blessedly, semi-creative projects. And there’s plenty to be preoccupied by right now – I’ve a need to get my name changed on my American documents, we’re back to work on getting kid #2 baking, and my psych
o appointment is tomorrow (to name the most pressing mental issues).
So what do I do instead? I make things in the Sims, ha ha. Building things in the Sims has always been one of those very few tasks (if not the only task) that I can put my complete focus on. Reading, crocheting, writing – my attention jerks all around, refusing to settle on one thing. And because I can share things that I make, it makes me feel like I’m doing something constructive. Seeing that people are downloading my work – it’s a pleasing thing, yo.
Really though, that’s me just trying to stay afloat when my brain is trying to go insane. Tomorrow is a big unknown, obviously, and that doesn’t help me shape up my thoughts in any useful manner. I don’t know what they’re going to want, or how they’re going to want it, and me – I’m not good at crapping that up spontaneously. Even medicated, it becomes a fight-or-flight flailfest, further aggravated by the fact that I do not subscribe to, and therefore cannot provide easy-to-read absolutes. I wish I could, because that would make things easier all the way around, but that’s not who I am. And even thinking about it that much? My heart is racing, I’m feeling incredibly irritable, and I’m closing off doors because I simply cannot bear to deal with anyone right now. Outside stimulus is 500% unwelcome when the inside stimulus is setting itself up for a lose/lose battle.
Okay, maybe I’m not as far past the point of preoccupation as I’d like to be… but at least tomorrow should remove a burden (if only temporarily). Such is the joy of wonky body chemistry – everything is a clinging-to-rocks battle to survive until the next thing is done and dusted. And, being life, there’s always something else down the road – sigh! Ah well, I’m stubborn – I’ll keep fighting my way as best I can ’cause I’m convinced that this is a ride I want to see to the end. 🙂
Anyhoos, you do your best to have a good day, and I shall do my best to have one as well.