Maybe Hypo, Maybe Not
One thing that has always made my week-to-week survivability a jungle is not being able to concisely pin down where on the spectrum my mood is. I think I have easier-to-map patterns than many of my other friends with bipolar, but that doesn’t magically tell me if I’m up or down. There are little ways I can tell, obviously – if I’m wanting nothing to do with anyone, if I’m wanting everything to do with everyone, for example. And it’s a fine example, because I’ve been doing just the latter lately; I’ve been trying to reach out and make it clear that I am willing and able to socialize with people – bring it on.
Well, willing… not as sure on able. I put out a pretty friendly all-call on Facebook yesterday, and while I am glad that I did it, I ended up feeling a bit shaky and worn out from even that much effort. I’m glad that I did it, that there was some modicum of spoon to at least try to get myself out there. I’m suspecting that might be something resembling a hypomanic episode, though it’s hard to tell due to the influence of where I am/might be in my monthly cycle. I’ve worked really hard in recent times to quash the biggest side effect of such episodes – the desire to take on projects (LIKE A CHAMP!), so it’s likely squirting out in other ways, such as this ability to push towards sociability. It’ll be good while the episode lasts, but semi-difficult to maintain once the inevitable return to depression occurs. Add in the fact that, as a stereotypical introvert, I abhor small talk, and it’s not always easy to break out and establish ‘new’ relationships. Now, if I can start a conversation by shouting, ‘Ketchup!’ and going from there…
Actually, I just found this while looking around; perhaps it can serve to explain a bit better to extroverts why introverts dislike small talk:
Why Introverts Hate Small Talk
http://tooxyz.blogspot.co.uk/2011/06/why-introverts-hate-small-talk.html
As the author suggests – there’s nothing wrong with small talk if that is how you and your fellow extroverted folks want to operate with each other. Introverts know this, and we appreciate this. But as the author also states – it is inauthentic, shallow, and cuts into time we could be thinking and engaging. Yes, it is a useful metric for many, but that doesn’t mean it should be the only way to approach people. I know that me, as an introvert, has no qualms sharing what’s truthfully on my mind and offering genuine slices of it; perhaps it can be said that a feature of introverts is that we are less afraid of putting ourselves out there because we do not always put ourselves on show? I wouldn’t call that science fact, obviously, but it does make sense as a probable trait.
I forget where I was going with that, heh. I think the point is that I need to take advantage of the state of my mind, whether it be hypo or not, to try and break a little more ground with people, see if I can get some relationships moved to the point where I can drop in mid-thought and not confuse the person I’m conversing with. I know that once I get a relationship past that point, it’s much easier to maintain regular conversation without feeling quite as drained by it. So we’ll see, we’ll see.
For now, back to work. To the rest of y’all – have a good Thusday. 😀
<3
I think that for me, it does act as a metric, not because I want to ‘judge’ a person, but because I want to gauge whether someone is receptive to a conversation. Having said that, I also don’t do the small talk of exactly the same thing from one person to the other, I tend to open conversational gambits with a point of similarity we both must have, such as an observation about current surroundings, or my purpose for being in such. It’s not inauthentic or shallow, it’s trying to open a channel – the position I would find about immediately jumping into a weighty topic would be tantamount to being confrontational – what do you think about politics/religion/current affairs is a very abrasive opening gambit to me; also, how do you work out which weighty topic would be worth approaching without any preliminary – I’d be very afraid of stereotyping on appearance as being the way to choose! I totally understand small talk being offensive as the only way some people communicate; I don’t want to be skimming shallowly with everyone either. But none of the articles I’ve seen from introverts suggest how to surmount the issues that I’ve outlined above – so if I want to engage an introvert, what’s the best way to go about it? Right now I haven’t got the ability to spend time researching (my spoons are plentiful, but sadly my time is limited), but it’s something I’ve filed for future attention!
I do concur that jumping in on big topic subjects of those nature are especially risky. *chuckles* Unless, of course, you’ve been nosy-posey listening in and can slide into the conversation with an insight.*winks and grins* Research and study, mon ami – that’s always been my trick before making any opening gambits. That’s a big reason I probably come out extrovert to a lot of folks – in any group I join, I try to pay attention to the social patterns and accepted behaviors, and anything specific about people I can pin down. From there, I can make a genuine opening gambit that doesn’t leave me feeling incredibly uncomfortable, and doesn’t shut down my mind. ‘Cause even though I know it’s meant well, phrases like ‘How are you doing today?’ shut down my mind and make me irritable.
I know, that still screws the comfort of the accepted metric of gauging. I do accept that it’s a valid form for so many, but perhaps that bit of insight assists in understanding the introvert point of view?
As for suggestions as to how to engage introverts, I spotted this particular article earlier when writing this post:
http://friendship.about.com/od/Keeping-Friendships-Strong/tp/Friendship-Lessons-From-Introverts.htm
And
http://jenn-zee.hubpages.com/hub/how-to-befriend-an-introvert
I know, not fully helpful, but it’s a step in that direction. On that second one, I’d especially take note of the first Do point: DO show a genuine interest in the person you are trying to befriend. If you want to form a friendship with her, chances are she intrigued you with something — so ask questions about that! Introverts are interested in talking about topics they are passionate about, often offering exciting and elaborate perspectives.
So yesh… hopefully some of that is of use and interest. I am genuinely happy to try to pick this apart so that we can both understand better. 🙂