Whelp, today’s lesson is thus – if my physical state is less than optimal, the mind can sneak in and push me right into the darkest recesses of not wanting to exist anymore. I’m bemused and annoyed, insomuch that I find compulsions harder to ignore since getting medicated. So when the mind is yelling bad things at me and I’m already in pain and lacking the resources to fight back… not pretty. I’ve pulled through (I think that much would be obvious from this posting), but I’ve rattled me and the poor husband. *sigh* Fingers crossed that I won’t see that side of my mind for some time yet; it’s usually pretty ‘good’ at not being a regular visitor. But then, that’s also ’cause I’m a fighter and do my best to drag my meatbag self through to the better times. It did tell me what I suspected, though – it might very well be harder in future days. Here’s hoping I can keep finding the inner strength and reasons to fight on, y’know, without using the husband up too much. Bless his soul – he has to deal with the fact that every thing he does in these instances is ‘wrong’, but really, they’re not. That he’s there when I actually manage to break through the pain to (sheepish admittance) tell him off for being ‘wrong’, well… that just shows how right he is. He’s a good man, and this battle would be so much harder without him.
Now, I’m gonna try and get a little sugar in me, see if that tames the edges of raw emotions. Yes, sugar is my drug of choice, but I assure you dear readers – I do my best to use it sparingly. 😉