Sometimes, we forget that we have actually done stuff in our lives, that we’ve not just been coasting by in a non-stop video game haze (or whatever you do to relax). I am especially reminded that my life has had stuff in it when chatting to someone new in my life; in getting them caught up, I am run through the inventory of things I’ve done, places I’ve been, etc. It’s sort of nice, especially when you are feeling a bit adrift and lacking direction. Not that it gives direction (at least, it doesn’t give ME direction!), but it does serve as confirmation that it’s okay for me to slow my roll and spend time contemplating my future.

So then, what nifty things can I lay claim to? Let’s try listing a few:

• Lived in and have citizenship of two countries
• Have lived in 5 American states (and visited at least 19)
• Have been to five countries (not counting cheekily sitting on an Embassy’s doorstep)
• Did six years of art school
• Have some capability on 4 different instruments (not counting voice)
• Did six years of military service
• Have done five years of DJing
• Have written hundreds of thousands of words in stories and blogs
• Have spoken fluently 3 languages (though my fluency is rotting and I keep forgetting to brush up)
• Can crochet and cross-stitch some (I WILL get the hang of knitting/casting some year!)
• Have kept myself going in spite of wonky brain with some degree of grace and optimism (still not sure how)

I’m sure I could probably keep tossing things on the pile, but why bother? That’s a pretty good list to start with – it says that I’ve not been as slothful as I might appear! But because it was my nature to basically grind myself to dust in order to vaguely stay awake, it’s been hard relearning how to oh… actually relax and take it slow. I know that’s part of why I feel adrift – I’m not doing to such a hard degree, and I’m having to force myself to keep my head down until I adjust downwards. It’s going… slowly, to say the least; my anxiety has taken advantage of the lull to climb the walls. And, perhaps, I’m hesitant to set too many new goals for fear I’ll start going into overkill again; my husband has especially had the pleasure of seeing how quickly I can go from zero to 60 in spite of myself! Still, I do permit myself a few modest goals for the future:

• I will get the hang of casting on/off, and learn to knit
• I will visit more countries; there is no excuse not to when Europe is on my doorstep
• I will try to participate in NaNoWriMo sooner rather than later
• I will continue to work on myself for the good of not only myself, but my friends and family, and the world at large. Plus y’know, it makes me happy to make myself a better person

These are modest goals, but as I said – I need to keep my roll slow. Goal-loading would only be self-defeating, ESPECIALLY with things like perfectionism in mind. These are, for the most part, simple goals; they should provide a warm sense of accomplishment and be fantastic baby steps towards whatever future might spring to my mind. Or not – I’ll see when I get there. But at least I’ve taken a second to tell myself nice things about myself, and you know – I’m glad I did. And who knows – maybe some of you would find this sort of exercise useful for yourselves as well. Whatever the case, the sun is shining here in England, and my heart is glad – I can’t complain… so I won’t!

<3