My husband and I woke our 2 year old up from her nap about half an hour ago. She, in the intervening time, been throwing a fit as only a toddler can because she wants to go to the park (never mind that it’s intermittently hailing). And then I thought about it, and her level of fit-throwing is sadly not reserved for toddlers these days. So many people get caught up in being ‘right’ or ‘having their way’ to the point where all reason is lost in the pursuit of coming out on top. And I have to wonder why – why do all of us at times waste so much time and energy throwing a strop over, usually, nothing? Is it a control thing, a dominance thing, an ignorance thing? Or is it all wrapped up in the rather unhealthy modern psyche that we must always be outstanding? Well, let’s face it – we can’t be ‘on’ all the time. We absolutely can not and should not be right all the time; it is anathema to me that people seem to think that is how they have to be for whatever reason.

As I watch her take up her second attempt to affect policy (complete with the rejection of hugs, the poor mite), I can only hope that our gentle firmness will help break her of thinking that this behavior is a good one to carry on for the rest of her life. Anger is poisonous and addictive if engaged too freely. Not that it should be avoided – being angry is part of the human condition. But… we too often reinforce such childish behaviors for fear of ‘being mean’, which implicitly expresses that such behaviors continue to be acceptable long past the point they should be. Adults have less of an excuse than children, for children are attempting to express themselves; the frustration of not being able to lends itself to these fits. And I do commiserate – one of the side-effects of going undiagnosed for so long has been that I’ve been… tetchy, to say the least. Anxiety has meant that I am, by default, already much too freaked out to lay thoughts out in a logical line. That’s why I default to text so much; the chance to review my words is a godsend. So that’s why I know it’s not a good way to live – it’s a hard toll on the body, the mind, and being desirable as a person to talk to. Nobody wants to interact with someone spitting bile at them over everything, do they? I know I don’t.

This is where I wish I had some easy-to-offer tips, but I really don’t. Counting to ten always made me madder, and I learned the hard way that booze and drugs aren’t good for anything. Medicine is currently tipping the balance in my favor, but for how long? Hopefully long enough for me to make further in-roads in training myself out of biting peoples’ faces off. At least I’ve got a toddler to do it with, so that’ll probably give some insight!

Anyhoos, hope you all are having a fine Sunday!

<3