I’m sure I’ve mentioned it here before, but in case I haven’t – my husband and I are currently making the necessary efforts to try for kid #2. We’ve been at it since the start of the year, and as time rolls on, we’re increasingly relaxed. And that’s sort of how I roll for most things in the long term – it’ll get here in due time, so why waste my time and energy freaking out?
Of course, the counterbalance to this is that I start getting puke-inducingly anxious and freaked out at the 11th hour. Doctor appointments, trips away – ‘big’ things like this have a tendency to catch me. So it has been on the 11th hour of my cycles for most of this trying to conceive this time around; I get all het up waiting to find out yay or nay. I’ll wind myself up so tight that when the nay comes, the inevitable crash is… well… it’s not pleasant. I have a tendency to fixate at the best of times, and waiting to see if life-changing events happen definitely be counted as amongst the best of times.
So what’s different this time? I think that we’ve been at it for long enough now that I don’t feel a slave to my calendar. I know I’m either right at the end or right at the start of my cycle, but I won’t really know until I get home and take a peek. I’m also ‘blessed’ with feeling slightly flu-ish, alongside having a weird headache; it’s hard to get fixate-y when your mind’s gone too fluffy to think past the end of your own nose. There’s also the increasing acceptance that it will happen when it happens; while we might have taken first go last time, it’s not unusual for people my age to take upwards of a year to conceive. While I’ll admit that I want my next pregnancy done and over with, I’m not so fussed as to start preemptively thinking about IVF or the like. I know how hard that stuff is on your body from my dear friend Natalie – even if we were having legit trouble conceiving, I would have to think very long and very hard before putting myself through all of that.
So yeah, I’m definitely celebrating having beaten the waiting bug, if only for the moment… and we’ll see what the future holds.