You know that bit I posted yesterday about needing to push oneself to get things done? Add in severe period dramas (menorrhagia, dysmenorrhea, both probably caused by endometriosis), and I am a slug tied to a heating pad. I can feel it slowly pulling me back to the point where I was a slug always; there was no physical energy to push the mind into doing anything. And because the mind is usually trying to find ways to confuse and trick me, it’s not the best ally for making the body do things. I can agree with the sentiment of not letting one boss the other, but still – the word let annoys and slightly offends me. It indicates a degree of passivity that definitely isn’t a factor here. Doesn’t mean I’m always winning in my battles, But I do try to keep fighting for my sake. The fact I’ve managed to clear the drugs, the booze, and the smokes out of the way is pretty good evidence of this, if I do say so myself.
Having said that, I’m grateful that my mood is decent enough for me to be able to put up with feeling so physically beaten up. I’m still ticking down my usual Monday to do list, and at a better speed than usual. That’s not really indicative or anything, other than my oh-so-mighty will is kicking my whole dozy she-bang down the road. It’s also the whole ‘growing up’ thing, and the anti-procrastination trick I picked up – the sooner done, the sooner over. That doesn’t mean doing a crappy rush job; it just means that the sooner I finish the things I need to do, I am rewarded with larger blocks of uninterrupted time to do… whatever. Which then I have to fight my brain to not fill it with say… non-stop rapid-cycling net browsing. It’s very easy to feed the anxiety cycle if you’re stuck in one place, and that sort of activity is definitely not a good one to engage in!
Ah well, at least I’m still too sleepy-dozy to really be bothered by anything. I hope it passes to alertness sooner rather than later, but at least it’s not impairing me as badly as usual. 🙂
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