Last night, I was conversing with a friend I hadn’t talked to in some time. I mentioned this blog, and lamented how on ‘good’ (average) days I feel like I have very little to write about. It’s good after a fashion – it means that I’m more occupied with reveling in placidity, and that my mind isn’t racing about all over the place. I am incredibly grateful for those times; an empty and quiet brain is high on my list of vaguely relaxing things. While this isn’t exactly ideal blogging fodder, I can hope that it showed that Bipolar doesn’t mean being on a non-stop roller coaster all the all the time.
I also thought on why I wanted to blog so openly about having Bipolar. This might not have been the starting point of this blog, but once I had a diagnosis in hand, I felt it mete to talk about it. Of all my friends who also have Bipolar, I am probably the most open about it. I don’t have to worry about it costing me a job (as my employment is in the family business). I do not care if my ‘disease’ costs me relationships; if a person has issue with Bipolar and doesn’t wish to educate themselves, they are not worth my precious time. I also admit that, being in the United Kingdom, it is more ‘okay’ to have a flavour of Bipolar. After all, our national fucking treasure (omitting the f-word is not an option in this phrase) Stephen Fry is overt about his struggles with Bipolar (Cyclothymia being his flavour), so it helps demystify Bipolar and show that sufferers aren’t axe-wielding manics half a second away from going on a killing spree. Yes, Bipolar in all its flavours is NOT a fun back-monkey to deal with, but just about everyone I know with it – you would have no idea they had Bipolar unless they told you. Most are in committed relationships with jobs and friends and external activities, and like everyone else, doing their best to get through life on a day-to-day basis.
There’s also the misconception that those with depression are always sad, which is patently untrue. If it were merely the act of being sad, it would be much easier for the average joe to be aware that they were having a depressive episode. Pretty much everyone has at least one depressive episode in their lives, but for those with the flavours of Bipolar, depression is a major issue. As I mentioned a few days ago, depression tends to manifest itself more via disinterest and disinclination to do Things™®. Wikipedia agrees with that consensus, but it’s easy to forgive how synonymously the concepts of sadness and depression are used. But no, if sad were always the case, depression couldn’t sneak in like a shadow, wrapping its gloomy arms around ones’ psyche. It would be a lot more obvious as to whether the lack of desire to get out of bed is ‘just ’cause’ (as we all have sometimes), or the initial indicativeness of Ultimate Meh coming to a visit.
But hey, at least that’s not today for me. So I shall resume blissful neutrality, because it feels good.