I’m sure it’s totally normal to feel annoyance at little things. I’m sure it’s totally normal to feel that an ever-increasing change of little things is like cascading dominoes, pushing the duration and depth of annoyance to ridiculous places. I just wish that it didn’t so often feel like the wick counting down to some inevitable explosion.

Now, I’m not saying that it will always lead to some sort of blow up. I know that it is possible to quash the increasing feelings of vexation and annoyance, but it’s still equivalent to trying to stop a boulder with a pebble. Maybe the pebble will divert it off course, maybe the pebble will catch it just so and stop it, but you’ve still got the problem of being squished under the weight of the annoyance nonetheless.

I’m feeling slightly squashed.

Maybe it’s the start of another depressive episode; I really couldn’t tell you at this time. I’m still feeling good enough to have managed damage control both yesterday and today (I got throwing things annoyed yesterday and managed to reel it in – huzzah!), but as said – damage control is incredibly draining. It becomes a lose/lose situation – do you let yourself flip out and feel that momentary gift of relief, or do you get lucky, suck it up, and feel just as bad without the momentary relief? Way after the fact the latter feels fantastic – one can take pride in the fact that they managed to control and correct an inappropriate behavior pattern. But in the short term, it makes me wish I had some sort of self-comforting measure, even if it was something as trite as cramming chocolate in my maw. No, I’m not going to start that habit either, ha ha.

Ah well – this too shall pass!

<3