Keep On Keeping On
Outside of my fortnightly getting out of the house to craft date tonight, today is continuing on in a blessedly mundane way. I suspect that the fact there IS a getting out of the house in my routine now has a lot to do with maintaining mood stability. Doing something every other week is better than doing something every week, I think; if you’re doing something weekly, it feels more habitual. If you’re doing it every other week, it feels a bit fresher and newer. Or perhaps I’ve not been going long enough, but it will eventually feel habitual… I really don’t know. So instead, I settle for gratitude that there’s something that I like doing outside of the house.
You see, I’m currently wary of habitual things. I do think doing things habitually is a useful tool to increase daily productivity, but it can also strongly feed the latent stress and anxiety. For example, I have a certain order of things that I check online when I wake up in the morning. If one of those sites is down, I am quickly aggravated and upset by the fact I cannot complete my ‘ritual’. A LOT of my patterns and habits were formed to fight off complete mental and physical exhaustion brought on by endometriosis; they focused on doing for the sake of doing in the hopes of helping me stay awake. It’s been a long slog deprogramming myself to not be doing these patterns non-stop to ‘make the most of my time’, and still has a long way to go. My mind starts fixating on these patterns, making them a dull noose; this isn’t an always, but it does feed into depressive parts of mood cycles. So having things that are regular, but not too regular, is a good tricksy workaround.
So in short – I can’t complain right now… so I won’t!
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