Maybe, Maybe Not
I was talking to one of my best friends earlier this week, and she was expressing her support of The Bipolar Blogger Network. She then went on to say that she would not be participating for one salient reason – it’s not terribly supportive for the message to be, ‘Once again, my bipolar has yet to effect me in any significant way‘. In this period of extended stability, I can commiserate with that sentiment. I feel like I’m beaming sunshine so hard that people should be lining up to give me a good solid facepunch, and I wouldn’t blame ’em either. Cheerfulness isn’t’ a bad thing, obviously, but if your brain is being especially cruel and foul to you… one isn’t going to be inclined to want to grit their teeth and pretend they appreciate getting doused in it.
Having said that, I realized last night that I’m probably taking a turn to the hypomanic. I just felt too damned good yesterday, the kind where you fully expect rainbows to shoot out of your backside. Then I also realized that my focus has kind of wandered off (to only be specifically focused on x and y things that aren’t say… my gainful employ), the paranoia sneaking in slightly, and there’s been a few minor dinks attempting to take down my mood. Because I have been on this, frankly, unusual period of stability, I can’t really predict what’s going to happen. I’m also trying to not dwell on it too much, ’cause that risks becoming self-fulfilling prophecy.
I also had a (possibly snotty) mulling on whether or not those of us with bipolar do better making the most of ‘normal’ when we achieve it for whatever period we do. I know that I’ve been savoring each day that goes past feeling brighter than average; I might not be trying to climb mountains or rack up meatspace achievements, but I am relishing feeling balanced. But then, even as a child, I prayed for contentment. Not wild happiness, not gleeful orgies – contentment. Balance. After all, a pair of fishies once taught us:
‘For every up there is a down
For every square there is a round
For every high there is a low
For every to there is a fro ‘
Yeah… I’d rather the pendulum not move. Stop the ride, it’s making me dizzy!
But I guess for now, I’ll just do my best to enjoy what’s what before it changes, for only a great fool bemoans fortune. Plus, I get to bake tonight, and that generally makes all the things fantastic.
<3
Hi there, drifted in from LJ (turnerwolf). I like the idea of the Bipolar Blogger Network too, and would join but not sure. My blog isn’t just about my condition, in fact, I’ve only started to be more open about it and will be including stuff regarding it on my blog.
Hiya! 🙂
I think it’s fair to say that there is probably room for people who aren’t blogging solely about their bipolar. After all, we might all have it, but that doesn’t mean that’s all that we are. So I would definitely say that it would be a matter of best personal judgment and preference. I only ended up separated out due to random happenstance; I’d originally created this blog as an exercise in forcing myself to blog publicly. When I found out about having Bipolar 2, it was easy to take the next step and make it a central focus for my efforts here.
Otherwise, hi. 😀
@Autumn–I know I certainly don’t blog entirely about my bipolar disorder. I blog about all sorts of stuff. I think that while it is important to show others our disorder, get that out there, it’s also important to let people know that that’s not all we are. I mean, mania and depression is just a part of me, you know?
@Raeyn–I honestly have a hard time believing anyone who says that their bipolar disorder hasn’t affected their life significantly. I used to say that, then I had to quit school and ended up in the hospital, etc. Sure, when you’re stable, you feel that way. Sometimes it doesn’t affect me much, certainly. But other times (like now), it’s following me constantly, rubbing its grimy little hands all over everything I see and do.
The point is that it’s always there, regardless of whether it’s affecting much at the time.
Alice, I definitely wouldn’t disagree on a personal level. I stayed drunk and sleeping around for a couple of years… it wasn’t ideal. Since sobering up (but before getting treated), my brain tried to sabotage and destroy my marriage several tiems. SINCE being medicated, I had the second suicide attempt of my life (where depression fails to drag me down, all the little things will manage to pile on at the same time and get me out of the blue). I’m not a suicidal sort by any stretch – I want to liiiiiiiiive. So yes, I accept it’s there. My friend is entitled to her opinion of her situation though, and to be fair – her chronic exhaustion and insane level of anxiety tend to take the fore of her attention. *chuckles*