A day wholly to myself is bliss. It’s especially appreciated when it’s been delayed by the long weekend. It was lovely slacking off and being around my family, but man oh man… my sanity days keep all of us in better stead. Before I got into the habit of taking that one day a week for myself, I’d inevitably have a mental breakdown and skip months of work because I could. And as I wasn’t exactly drinking or doing anything drug-like, locking myself off from the rest of the world was just about the only thing I could do to even vaguely hold it together. I count my blessings daily that enable me to take care of myself; if karma is real, I probably earned the crap out of it from my earlier travails on this crazy ride known as life!
And it’s especially nice after something got my anxiety up yesterday. I have managed to overcome my compulsive need to say things for the most part, if only by remembering how shitty anxiety is. So whether or not I’m merely being avoidant or I’ve actually mastered a trick, I don’t know. I do know that my quality of living is better for it, so that’s kind of the winning point. So when I got blindsided by someone wanting to be angry and confrontational yesterday, it was quite a slap in the face. I’m proud of myself – I immediately politely told them I wasn’t going to speak to them anymore, and (being on a social network), I blocked them and apologised to the person whose thread/wall it was (though I got that wrong the first time ’cause my brain was frazzled and freaking out – whups!). But, being me, my brain wanted to glomp onto that and go into FULL PANIC BATTLE STATION MODE… yikes. Buuuut I had read somewhere in the past month that one should try tricking the brain out of worry by telling said brain that it can freak out later… so I tried that. As bad as I am at fixating and working myself up, it’s worth a go. And I think I can say that it helped. I’m not completely sure – by blocking the source of anxiety, that helped cut the impact of it. And I’m still riding high enough that I’m absorbing these dinks to my psyche fairly well.
So anyways, I’m holding up okay, and I am going to resume sprawling and trying to think of nothing while I’ve got the space to myself.
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