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A House of Cards — 4 Comments

  1. I so get what you are saying! For years I felt so bad because my husband was the glue holding everything together, while I just lay in my depression or rage in my bipolar mania. Me, me me… All I cared about most of the time was who was going to support me? And it hasn’t been until recently that I have been trying my hardest to support him. After all, he is the one that busts his nuts every day making the money to support us all. And while there are some things he still needs to work on in the support department, I’m pretty sure there are some things for me to work on too. Marriage is difficult.. throw in kids, and it is even more challenging, throw in a mental disorder, and damn, we are fucked! LOL

    We just have to keep chugging along and keep going and keep loving and caring… Some days it is harder than others. Thanks for the reminder. 🙂

    • As my mother often says – this too shall pass. It’s a bit fatalistic, but it’s done a lot of good for me over the years.

      As for my poor husband… in some ways, he was the first and only person I felt I could truly lean on, so I’m always askeered I’m going to crush him. I end up having these battles in my head so that I continue to take advantage of his bountiful love, rather than risking resentment and self-poison by not letting him do what he wants to do to support me. But on the other hand, I am so petrified of taking him for granted that I probably overdo expressing my gratitude. *chuckles* Or probably not; I bet a lot of my confirmation of his awesomeness is in my head… I do tend to have a richer inner dialog than I realize.

  2. I seem to end up being the supporter more than the supported (avoiding my own problems perhaps?) and from that perspective I can tell you that love changes your capacity for support. If you love someone, the gravity around them is completely different, their burdens weigh less, hurt less, and your energy and compassion expand to fit their need.
    The best thing that anyone can do to support their supporter, in my opinion, is to acknowledge how hard it can be, acknowledge the anger and resentment that can crop up (and let them know that they are not jerks for feeling it) and thank them. There is always something small you can do to express love and gratitude– do that.

    • Gratitude is definitely important, and at the forefront of my relationship. It makes sense, after all! 🙂

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