Yesterday, I was reminded just how… unnormal… the range of bipolar feeling is. As I mentioned yesterday, I was feeling annoyed and the like. Elsewhere, this garnered syrupy cheerful ‘normie’ suggestions of how to improve mood, to include throwing a childish tantrum, or singing. Yes, even were I not ill and croaky, singing isn’t going to magically fix bipolar depression. Throwing a childish fit? What a damned luxury, that. For me, if I even let myself start throwing items, I will start throwing more objects and screaming bloody murder and the results aren’t that good.
Still, and I’m sure my fellow carries of mental health issues will commiserate with, I feel slightly guilty because I didn’t conform to what they think is the ‘right’ reaction. I know I shouldn’t — my reaction is right for who I am. It’s not my fault that people get their panties in a wad because their presumptions of correctness are predicated on a manufactured societal norm. I am mindful of that — this is what they know to be correct. And I do my best to try and be gracious instead of furious, even if the former is more in tune with what I’m feeling. Yet there’s a Catch-22 — I want to help make it clearer why their suggestions are insulting and inappropriate, but there’s that wall of GAH, ANXIETY! in the way. This is also fuelled by past experiences where I have managed to explain things, only to get a confused and slightly irritated reply.
I get that it’s hard to be around bipolar people. It’s hard being one, and we don’t have the option of leaving the room to get away from ourselves. But as long as we can all try to remember that everyone’s feelings are valid and to be expressed as they need to be (within reason and with a respectful treatment of others), then yanno… some sort of middle ground can be reached.
I’m better today, I should add – I’m still feeling borderline ‘has a sad’ after it trout-wholloped me enough last night to almost make me cry (for no reason, of course!), but a successful ‘homestyle’ dinner of double decker tacos, heavy gaming, and light crafting saw me through alright. I think some more of it today will help me hold on, and hopefully I can keep mainly riding this depressive period out. At least I can try to keep positive, right? 🙂