I’ve got an appointment booked in with my GP for this afternoon to bring up a newish brain problem, this one a physical one. I keep having random sparkly ‘plosions across my brain lobes, which I don’t know what to make of. The trigger for me to finally go talk about it was something that happened last week; I had two episodes in the same day which felt like someone had dropped an Alka-Seltzer™ or some other fizzy product on the back of my brain. My brain felt like it was fizzing, and that’s just… no. And then it happened again a few hours later, and I seriously have no idea what to make of it.

Mind you, I’m hoping it’s nothing serious. For all I know, it could be related to being medicated, since most of the incidents have occurred since I’ve been getting treated (if not all). I did bring it up the last time I saw my psychiatrist person at the hospital, and he seemed to concur that it would be a thing to take up with the GP. I am just aware that it could be something, and that it’s better to ask than not in this sort of thing. I’m hyper-aware of physical brain issues, as one of my best friends had a tumor, and another has seizures. I almost feel like I’m ripping them off by having this sort of stuff happen, but that’s stupid — why would I try to psychosomatically force myself into having seizures or tumors or anything related? I wouldn’t… nobody would. It’s just a weird coincidence.

It’s silly, but that’s sort of how I feel about all my various health issues as they spring up — as if I am an imposition for trying to get any help or advice. This is likely a product of having no significant health care growing up; I can count on one hand the number of times I saw a doctor growing up, and most of those were for inoculations. Military healthcare is pretty much tick tick the boxes, moving on (though it was surprisingly easy to get to the chiropractor, in their favour). And because if you have any significant health issues while in the military you risk getting kicked out via medical board, it discourages some folks from getting any real help for fear of losing their job and time towards retirement. So I was in my late 20s before I even had a chance to learn out to be a patient, and it’s coming slowly. It’s somewhat easier now because I’m not in a constant fog of pain and nausea like I was before I got pregnant with my daughter, so I’m not as easily talked over. But I still feel like some sort of hypochondriac pain in the ass. Bad brain, bad — let’s get over that!

So anyways, here’s hoping that I actually stand up for myself and express myself clearly, instead of mumbling diffidently like it’s not a big deal. It might not be a big deal in the scheme of things, but I won’t know unless I stand up and get it checked out. 😀

<3