Crawl Upon the Shore
Today, I am almost feeling stable. I don’t really know if that’s because the depression is receding (unlikely), or if event planning plus heavy gaming is hiding it away (very likely). I’m still convinced it’s an acceptable form of busyness, because it keeps my hands and mind occupied and isn’t exactly taxing. There are probably better ways of coping, but I look at it this way – I’m not drinking anymore, or doing drugs, or sleeping around like I did when single, so like… go gaming?
Of course, I laugh at myself reasoning with myself. But I think that’s probably a part of the human condition; we must make sure we agree with what we are doing… sort of. And we are masters of self-deception and maze games; is it any wonder that most people don’t know themselves when they are constantly deceiving themselves as to who they are and what is best? And yet, this sort of thing helps keep my mind lively and dancing and trying to fight the good fight – I want to know me. I want to do what will help me get through until better times. Here’s hoping I can meet at that intersection, eh?
Anyways, for the moment? I’m mainly okay. My skin feels a little thicker, my chemicals don’t quite feel so sad. I can hope it means I’m ticking back up, but alas, depression and bipolar aren’t necessarily straight lines and easy-to-follow waves. But that doesn’t stop me from trying to be optimistic and forward-thinking and cheerful.
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