My brain, for some reason, loves to freak out about my driving lessons. I hit spot depression in the worst sort of way, and the urge to hide from the world and cry is very real. So when I get hit with it earlier in the day before my brain has time to panic, I am both grateful and put out. That happened today; my lesson was supposed to start at 12:20pm, and my instructor showed up half an hour early, before I could even take the first sip of my coffee. But that’s okay too — I’ll happily sup upon cold coffee if it means I went out and had a good lesson, which I did. That’s why I don’t get my brain’s insistence of being so freaked out by it; I’m not a bad driver, and now I’m an adequate operator of the manual transmission. But that’s just bipolar brains for you — they do weird crap.
That isn’t to say that when I state that my brain behaves in such a way that I’ve given up, and that I will always let it operate that way. I run into this problem often wherein because I have firm opinions and statements of fact, people often assume that they’re definitive and forever. Which is… frankly… insane. Life is not a static state; while my brain might sabotage me in such ways as to preclude normal concepts of relaxation (to pluck an example from earlier this week), that doesn’t mean I will never relax or figure out how to relax. I’m always working on ways to get around whatever weird crap my brain throws at me, and how to best manage my spoons and time to make sure I’m taking care of me. I am always doing my part to break down my responses and behaviors to understand why they behave as they do, and how to best ‘fix’ or accept things as I go along.
I guess that’s it for today… funny how little there is to say when things are back to feeling semi-human.
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