I’m just trying to buckle down and get some work done… and to not mull on whether or not I might have made one of the psychiatrists mad. My next appointment appears to be with the head guy, and he said nay to his comrade’s recommendation that I get checked for ADHD. And the recommendation went out anyways and got slapped down, so I’m hoping that all is well and that I didn’t do badly somehow (other than being crap at trying to explain my reasoning a second time). I think him a good doctor and I do respect his opinions — after all, I wouldn’t have my Bipolar II diagnosis without him looking at a different co-worker’s assessment and readily overturning it.

Part of me just wants to roll the dice and see if I can pick up a Dexedrine script anyways; I know, KNOW that would help with a lot of my residual issues… just not for good or legal reasons. I had a friend and school who was prescribed it for his narcolepsy, but it killed his appetite so thoroughly that he’d farm it out to those of us who needed the lift to not spend the first half of the school day face-down on a desk. I’m pretty sure no doctor would be pleased to find out such a method is how anyone knows a drug works for them. But then, I don’t really know either, seeing how I’m still new to being a patient all in all. And it’s not like I want any prescriptions to abuse — I just want a better quality of life that doesn’t rely so heavily on avoidance. I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Even taking the need and desire to kick back and recharge, I shouldn’t have to settle for spending my entire life in the fallout shelter.

Now shoosh little brain, don’t give into bipolar thinkery. *drags self back to working*

<3