Not Sure Where the Bipolar Goes
I have no real idea where my bipolar brain is going today. My hair’s grease says that things are probably either way up or somewhat down, but I’m not sure which way I feel. I’ve also been distracted thinking more on my brain gnaw of the week, which is still doing more good than harm.
I do need to buckle down and continue making my notes for my psychiatrist appointment week after next, though. My mother-in-law just reminded me of something that I should add to the list, and I sigh. If the issue is a medicine side-effect, I think there’s a good chance they might shunt me to something else. Considering how hesitant I was to get medicated for the bipolar, I’m even more so about switching from a med that has done me a lot of good. It’s by that same token I keep breathing a sigh of relief that I’ve managed to avoid being put on an antidepressant along with the Seroquel — I am babbling petrified of rapid cycling. I’m still convinced that was my state before diagnosis and medication, but I don’t bring it up in general. It was hard enough to get a freaking diagnosis, and I am positive that the first doctor used that as a chance to dismiss bipolar and to try to stick me with Borderline Personality Disorder. Because, obviously, having a strong ability to hold it together AND wanting treatment means I’m *obviously* an attention-seeking drama queen. ¬¬
*makes self write down the thing she was reminded about*
For now, at least, things are okay enough. I’m getting work done, I’m getting fun done, I’m getting crafting done. I’m not completely slacking around the house (even if I am having to fight the zone-outs a bit). So all in all, these are good things. Now if I can convince myself to wash my hair, I can probably call today a victory… and then hope that it’ll carry over until tomorrow. That’s what I’m all about — stability, yeah!
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