Like a M*&^*$!*&in’…
When I moved here and found out I’d have easy employ in a family business, I was pleased. I don’t get on with normal office paradigms, especially the insistence that there will be unavoidable drama. That was the main selling point people tried to use on me as to why I should stay in the Air Force — that such was unavoidable. In that regard, I won.
And yet, here I am, sitting in a real office again. It is delightfully quiet, as our space is down in the basement (though above ground enough to have a normal sized window beaming wan light inward). I find that I am somewhat pleased about this step in our business journey, especially knowing the only other thing down here is storage and the break room and that I won’t have to deal with many people from my delightful corner. It’s nice to know that my mother-in-law will get her house back. It’s sort of nice to be back in ‘real’ quarters… or hell, my first time ever in a proper office. One cannot call a warehouse full of half-partitions a proper office, I maintain.
I do wonder if I’m trying to make an overly positive spin though. And if I am, I don’t blame myself; I need to believe that this will be good for the sake of my bipolar and mental health as a whole. I have to believe I will have the relative isolation I require to maintain sanity. I have to believe that I will not be forced to socialize with people unless I desire to. I don’t mind having friends amongst co-workers, mind, but I don’t subscribe to the theorem that I have to be ‘yay team office buddies bffs’! That’s much too extroverted for me, yanno?
For now though, I do still feel optimistic. We’ll see how it goes when we’re actually in here permanently.
<3
I have PTSD, depression, had anger issues and anxiety. I could not survive in an office. People were always judging me. I can’t stand to be around crowds. And the pressure finally led me to a breakdown. I have not been able to work in 2 years, and probably won’t again. But I feel a lot better than I did. Still feel like some people want to tell me just to snap out of it. Take care.
My last office experience was working in a scif (aka, warehouse with questionable partitioning). People -always- without fail stood behind my position to talk loudly. So while British office space is (to me) smaller, I’m hoping the combination of how we’ve got things set up, as well as us mainly being answerable to ourselves will help me keep it together. Part of my brain is strongly clinging on to the possibility of being able to retreat back to my mother-in-law’s house… though I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that. Working is good for me; it helps me shut my brain up. But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t given into periods of not working since moving here. Tending to the brain is definitely the highest importance.
And you take care too.