Whups (Exhaustion)
I remembered to bring work to work like a good girl today. My husband forgot to bring me the program I need to do it – d’oh! Ah well. It’s not like I’m in the best of shape for anything right now anyways. I’m really dizzy and tired and trying to not think too much about world events. With my anxiety being so spiky, I have to be ‘selfish’ and cordon myself off so I don’t risk triggering panic attacks (which, of course, I’m hypervigilant for after fending off that one the other day).
I just sort of hope that hitting this level of exhaustion means that my body quits trying to be super-freaked-out-anxious and that I can try to recover. It probably won’t, ’cause that would be too kindly. I’m still dragging myself along, though I’m not sure how much longer I can do that either. I’m still keeping positive and in good spirits, because damnit if it doesn’t help me fight myself for myself. Maybe it makes people think I’m doing better than I am, but then, if they think that, hopefully they won’t try to muck in and ‘help’, thereby robbing me of precious spoons.
How about you guys — how do you deal with the mixed episodes, or the really bad spiky anxiety, or the balance being thrown off in a bad way in general? I admit I’ve been spoiled that (to recent date) my meds have done a bang-up job of keeping me smoothed down enough that I’ve not had to deal with this crap. And, being naive and hopeful that I’d never have to deal with it again, I guess my brain has forgotten any coping strategies… though having said that, I probably didn’t actually have any before either. Hrm.
Anyways, I hope everyone is braining and feeling well. I’ll just be this goo puddle in the corner, and hopefully for less time than not.
<3
Hands over brightly colored sand pail and shovel. You know for helping to scoop yourself back into one place. Your doing good so far, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
I thank you for that. 🙂 I do my best to remember my mantra of old — it could always be worse. A bit gloomy, but it helps.
I don’t think this is a good week for me to give anyone advice about handling anxiety. Once I saw the news about the bombs in Boston I wound up eating nearly everything in the house that wasn’t strapped down. I always knew I’m an emotional eater, but yesterday I felt like I had absolutely no control.
Great Blog. Thank you for stopping by mine.
And likewise, thanks for stopping by. 🙂
The Boston thing… I admit I’m keeping my head down and trying to not talk about it or think about it too much past confirming my friends and their friends were okay. But right now things are still so unsettled and there’s a lot of free-flowing strong emotions and yeah… no. When my heart rate is already feeling like a jackhammer, I’ll keep doing my best to keep my head down until I’m feeling a bit more balanced.
Mixed episodes? Oy. Mixed blessings … My cycles were like clockwork my whole life. Now with very close psychiatric care and medication management the edges have been smoothed “somewhat” … no more 2 month manic phases followed by a week of normal followed by a month of killer depression … then repeat. Now I’m all over the friggin map … and my therapists etc say they see improvement … er, I guess. I’m just not used to the change. I’m probably much safer now (no, I definitely am) … I just don’t like being manic 3 days, depressed 5, normal 2, etc., no rhyme or reason. It’s driving me nuts. How do I cope? Blind faith, extreme anxiety and social phobia … and reading these blogs 😉
I guess by virtue of having been a rapid cycler, I was probably always having mixed episodes. But this is the first one of note (in my opinion) since getting medicated and diagnosed. So it’s sort of weird in that regard, especially since it’s happened at a time I’ve increased my dose. I’d definitely rather be one or the other, and thought that the meds had brought that smoothing around. Sigh sigh? Sigh. I’ll just have to remember to advocate for myself to try and get some help for the anxiety end of this mixed crap next time I’m in for an appointment.
It’s a challenge ay by day. Have you talked to your doctor about your meds? Mine recently started failing also. That’s why I was put on Xanax an rest this week. Hope you feel better. I’m trying.
I’d have to go to the A&E to get my psychiatric medications adjusted between appointments; my GP can’t do anything about them, other than put them on my prescription roster. I’d rather avoid A&E if can!