This Wasn’t a Good Idea
Whelp and howdy from work, folks. Have a picture of my corner, sans me — it’s my little office-based shelter-ma-bob.
I’m not feeling particularly great about anything today. As I expected, my mother-in-law’s bright and surprised, ‘Oh, hello!’ was akin to being punched in the face with energy. I managed to mainly shrug it off, but I consider that a miracle — the entire ride over was filled with intrusive racing thoughts of the worst kind. I managed to drown it out, but yanno, that still completely lacking in energy thing.
And, of course, the whole not eating or drinking much means that I feel especially useless and evil today. Because we didn’t stop at the store for food or beverage en route, the chances of me eating or drinking are very low now. There’s a great shop on the corner… but it has people in it. It would require me talking to people. I can’t talk to people right now — I don’t have the energy for it. I made the mistake of presuming we’d stop at the store with the self check-out and no need to interact with people, but I was wrong. And now I get to suffer for it, and then feel like the world’s biggest ass because my brain is being stupid and inflicting of what I can only surmise will be a huge stupid guilt trip. Which I also can’t handle ’cause I don’t have any energy and my anxiety is jagging and all of that crap. Gotta love it when the brain locks itself into Lose/Lose mode. ¬¬
And as it’s probably thoroughly implied, there’s a lot of fixation trying to screw itself up into a tight ball of crazy-anger, so yanno, can’t even crack my mouth without risking letting it all fly out and nuke the entire world around me. It sort of reinforces that staying home was the smart thing to do, and will probably continue to be the smart thing for the nearest future.
So yeah, fun. Not.
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