Trying Again (The Work Grind)
Hey, did you guys know it was the middle of May? Oh… yeah, you guys probably did. It sort of dawned on me yesterday that I’d definitely entered a timeless void bubble.
My husband and I discussed it, and I said I’d probably be happy to try going into work today. I told him that I’d want to wait until the morning to make the call though — I am feeling slightly liberated by freely admitting that I feel terrible. And honestly, I put off deciding until the absolute last minute, but in the end, I did decide to give it a go.
I had my reservations, of course. My in-laws are upstanding caring people, but when I have no spoons, their concern for me destroys what non-existent reserves I have. So I’m always a little bit worried about that. It was blessedly uncalled for this time — my mother-in-law didn’t make any little zapping noises of surprise, and my father-in-law told my husband he would make a point to not speak to me unless he was first spoken to. These things are very relieving, especially with being combined with the semi-security and privacy in my pretty little nest here that I will miss terribly when we’re fully moved to the office proper.
I don’t know if this means that I’ll be okay to work tomorrow, mind. I’m still taking this all one day at a time, because I know how fragile my state is. It’s also slightly complicated by me accidentally taking the wrong dose of the Seroquel the last couple of nights — I got my 50mgs mixed with my 100mgs, and was accidentally taking 450mg instead of 400mg. It’s not exactly dire, but yanno… I’m supposed to be doing 400mg, and I’d like to stick with what I’m ‘supposed’ to be doing! But still, hopefully it’s all a move in the right direction again. I’ll keep telling myself that, ’cause there is certainly some power in optimistic thinking (when applied inwardly, that is — we all know other folks spewing sunshine on us can be very stressful).
Hope everyone is having a good day — back to trying to earn my keep!
Congrats, you– and yes, as to the exhaustion inherent in managing other peoples’ concern for your well-being. I hope you had a good day and aren’t too wiped out.
Thank you. 🙂 I like working, so it’s nice when my brain cooperates. It’s not like I’m in a normal job — having married into a family business gives me a lot of flexibility to take care of myself. But yeah, other people wear me out in a big way!
Congrats. I gave up 2 years ago approximately, trying to work. I broke down and still have a hard time keeping it together. But it’s easier
*nods* I married into a family business, so there’s a lot of flexibility for me to take care of myself. Sometimes I wonder if it’s too much, but then, I remember that I used to ‘get by’ by being drunk all the time. Which I think most people can agree is no real way to get by.