knack·ered  (nkrd)

adj. Chiefly British

Yup, that sounds about right.

I shouldn’t feel quite this worn down by my reckoning. All I did was go to the sporting goods store with the family to look at bikes. It’s not like we walked or biked there — we drove. So the act of getting in the car to sit on a few bikes in a store, and to ride back, is apparently flattening. It makes me despair a fair amount — how am I going to ride the actual bike if just leaving the house is so exhausting? It’s by the same token that I would love to go down to the park and skate — I’ve got a pair of Skechers roller skates I bought myself when I lived in San Antonio (which had like, three Skechers stores), and I never quite talk myself into using them.

I don’t want to hang my physical doings on my husband’s neck either. Yes, I could get him to pester me, but it would make him uncomfortable. And as well that it should, since me getting out of my chair isn’t exactly his job. He’s got enough on his plate anyways doing pretty much everything else that needs doing on the household. I’d be lying if I said otherwise. And yet, I totally contradicted this when we were in the store, telling him that if he wanted us to go camping (historically; we’ve yet to make this happen), he should have picked a date and I would have obligingly dragged my ass along and tried to have a good time.

It’s all a bit lose/lose, eh? It’s so hard to strike the right balance between doing and ‘living’ and taking care of oneself. Mind you, my husband does a lot to support me so that I can take care of myself, but it’s not like he can pump me full of energy! And as most will agree, you can only dig so deep before you’ve done yourself a bad damage.

Still, I’m not giving up. I think this might finally be the year that the pollen doesn’t murder me (I say this every year since I moved here; it will be the truth at some point!). Sunny days here in England can only be described as glorious, and are fantastic to be out in (and often better out than in due to things like breeze). So hopefully I’ll be able to figure out some compromise of self-motivation. For now though, time to try to motivate myself to make lunch happen.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend.

<3