I’m Quite Okay (Sort Of)

It’s that old saw in bipolar blogging — when you’re doing well, there’s almost nothing to say. If you’re like me, it’s in part ’cause you’re busy enjoying feeling good (or better — it’s all relative). I’m still feeling worn down physically, but that’s easier to tend to and baby than when the brain is acting up.

Having said that, Mister Scumbag Brain is continuing to try and find thing that annoy me with. It inspired me to write a poem this morning on the way to work:

The poison sting
It remains
Throbbing and pulsing beneath the skin
Metallic
It never fades

I won’t go into specifics, but there’s a social aspect of my past that my brain is hellbent on remaining bitter about. I have to fight myself almost daily to not let it get a latch onto me. Because when it does, it makes me physically ill from anxiety and stress and all the negative chemicals and fixating my brain chooses to do about this bit of history. It drives me batty — I have all the desire in the world to put it past me, but it still bothers me. Time will heal this wound, but it’s been years already — get done with the healing, Scumbag Brain!

Still, on the upside… yay poetry? My brain has been spitting out bits and bobs of it in the past couple of weeks, which delights me. I used to be able to pull all sorts of little bits from my brain when I was in school… but that could be said of the entire school, ’cause performing arts school. We all fancied ourselves creative, naturally! There’s some available on a really old webpage of mine if anyone is bored enough to check it out (and be blinded by dear deity late 90s webpage ‘design’).

Anyhoos, life goes on. And me? I’m going to get back to le work grind!

Comments

I’m Quite Okay (Sort Of) — 9 Comments

Nicole on June 19, 2013 at 2:05 pm said:

I used to write a lot more poetry too. Glad you’ve been doing fairly well! I’m feeling better today than I have lately.

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- Raeyn on June 19, 2013 at 2:39 pm said:
  
  I’m glad to hear you’re having a good day. 🙂
  
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  - Nicole on June 19, 2013 at 2:55 pm said:
    
    Thanks 🙂
    
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Becky Bee on June 19, 2013 at 5:18 pm said:

I am loving your poetry.

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- Raeyn on June 19, 2013 at 5:33 pm said:
  
  Thank you. 🙂 It feels good to have some of it coming out again. Maybe I’ll get lucky and start filling up sketchbooks like I did when i was 12. That would be the day. <3
  
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  - Becky Bee on June 19, 2013 at 5:36 pm said:
    
    I love filling scrapbooks… It’s been a while, though. Glad you are quite ok, as well 🙂
    
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Raeyn on June 19, 2013 at 8:14 pm said:

I really just need to get a small sketchbook and keep it on me. Having said that, I probably have some somewhere around the house that my husband got me that I’ve forgotten about. *chuckles*

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Howisbradley on June 20, 2013 at 5:39 am said:

I don’t write poetry, but I do find it difficult to write in general when I’m doing well. This includes my blog. The words flow easily when my life is hell, but let me have a good day and I can’t think of a damn thing to write.

I love the old website. Remember how cool we thought it was to use such funky backgrounds? The only thing missing are the insane blinking GIF files.

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Raeyn on June 20, 2013 at 8:49 am said:

There’s some blinking somewhere on the page, hee hee. Because yes, that was cruise control for late 90s cool!

I’m hoping not to jinx it, but lately I feel sort of creative AND decent. I’m hoping it’s just a nice evening out of the brainpan into something useful and nice rather than hypomania. It’s probably hypomania though, ’cause durr, stupid brain.

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