I realized the other day that I was feeling a bit off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I felt slightly more depressed than usual, and then I managed to hit a bit of elation and completing something that I found stressful and difficult. I sighed, grabbed my book, and went to bed at my ‘usual’ time lately of 11pm. I was still going to read for an hour to an hour and a half as I had been doing, but that’s okay — there’s not a better way to doze off, I maintain.

1:30am came and went, and my husband finally wandered to bed. I was lying there, eyes wide open, alert and perky. And then it dawned on me — I’d forgotten to take my Seroquel at its usual time. I apologised, said I’d probably be back in half an hour, and migrated to the living room with my book to let the time pass. I didn’t manage to get to sleep until clear past 3am, which… well. I know a lot of people get by on six hours a night, but I like my 8-9 hours. I like that I have a very set time that I sleep; it’s probably the #1 tool in my arsenal against the bipolar.

I woke up the next morning, and realized I’d completely managed to forget to take -any- of my meds the day before. I date each pill on the blister pack so I don’t risk getting confused, and it was there clear as day. I’m relieved that the day didn’t end up terrible on the whole, but it did completely throw me out in a not so happy way. The sleep schedule is hard won and supplemented with Melatonin at need to keep it tied into place, and throwing it out a single night means that I nearly have to start from the beginning again. Last night wasn’t too bad in the getting to sleep department, but I’m massively bleary this morning, more so than my normal ‘mornings suck not awake need caffeine’ sort of fatigue.

Ah well, at least it’s Friday, and there’s nothing super-important on my agenda! I’m still not very happy with the brain-body-chemical situation, but there’s enough good to focus on to try and drown out the grumbles. I’ve got a nice breeze coming in,  I’ve got the car today, and I didn’t kill anyone in my not-that-caffeinated state — huzzah! I’ve got a ‘date’ planned with my mother-in-law and daughter today and I’ve got my knitting to take with, so that should be nice for everyone. And yanno… Friday. Weekend. That’s always worthy of a huzzah. *smiles*

*keeps tazing self with optimism while whistling innocently*

Anyhoos. Hope everyone is well, and that there’s  a fun weekend in the future, whatever your version might be. Mine is sitting on my ass, so that should hopefully pan out nicely!

<3