Drag Drag Thunk
Hello from Blearyland, pre-noon, third can of Dr. Pepper of the day. I come at this with the most ironically fitting of songs playing on Grooveshark; how quickly I can slip into 90s moody nostalgia!
There’s not too much going on in the brainbox, as one might figure in this pre-noon world. I do find myself mulling on whether or not my knitting is a subconscious attempt at super-isolation. After all, I can easily claim that I need to be left alone to make sure I don’t mess things up, especially at this early learning stage of things. I’m not about to stop knitting, but yanno… simple mindfulness is always a Good Thing™®.
I know I’m isolating a bit, ’cause my online socialization is starting to fall by the wayside. I’ve not been by Google+ in months now, and I’m finding it really hard to talk myself into checking my blog reader(s). Which is vexing, ’cause I mainly follow friends ’cause hey, people I care about enough to invest energy in following. I just… there’s a sort of lack of damns? Which sucks, ’cause obviously — I like the people I follow; this is why I follow them and wish to engage them. Maybe it’s a minor depressive funk and it’s doing a great job of lying to me. Or… I don’t really know. I hope it passes soon, ’cause I really would like to get back on the ball with that.
As intimated though, it’s hard to pick up the what’s going on of right now. Since starting on the antidepressant, I’ve felt blissfully even and stable. Perhaps it’s still a slope down, but one with an even milder incline/decline, thereby making it harder to pick out. I don’t know. I’m still feeling some feelings you wouldn’t believe, which is to say what I would consider a more normalized and pleasant and within a reasonable range of response. If only I could read my own mind though, ha ha!
So yeah, no idea what’s happen — I’m just swinging moment to moment and doing my best to harness serenity and grace. And patience, I can’t forget about patience!
I hope that everyone out there is doing alright.
Can’t really make myself talk. Trying to make myself just move.
*nodnods* I can empathise with that. I’ve been trying to convince myself to spend a few minutes a day on the stationary bike .
Thanks for your honest assessment of your “now”. I can relate to a lot of it, as I”m going through a similar thing. I have Bipolar1 & I’ve been rapid cycling, and feel a good dose of paranoia, as well. Many different things going on in my head at once. Neglecting things because I can’t bring myself to do them. Also, new meds (not psych meds, but powerful!) are disrupting the normal chemical scene. I need to get out of the house! Will attempt a walk out the door today!
Oh yes… out of doors. I’ve heard of it. I tend to be really bad about going outside, but that was also in part to developing severe hayfever when I immigrated here. Ironic, that — most people go to Texas and develop severe allergies, and I go just the other way! I’m almost to a point where I can go outside in the summer and not die a horrible stuffy-headed fate, but half a decade of otherwise sort of makes me forget that out of doors exists.
One of the biggest tools in my arsenal is a stiff dose of cheer, so between that and sneaky nature of depression, I’m always concerned that I’m going to miss something and get suckerpunched. I’m also technically a rapid cycler, but that’s been mainly pinned down. But yeah, if something sends me swinging, like a pendulum, it certainly can take its sweet time getting back to ‘normal’!