What to Say, What to Say
See, look maw, I’ve not fallen of the wagon, honest!
That’s significantly more chipper than I’m actually feeling, heh.
The draw-down of Seroquel is going quite well, I’m happy to report. The draw-down doses aren’t extended release, so I feared some massive zombie-ism. The first morning I needed a bit of extra caffeine, but I’m otherwise coping fine. With that, at least.
There’s definitely things interrupting my serenity though, I’ve got to admit. For starters, my beloved child brought home lice from school. Before Christmas break. And making it go away is taking a veerrrrry long time. She’s got super-fine hair and a tendency to scream and jerk when someone (especially and mainly me) tries to comb her hair. Lice terrifies me — they love me long time, and I brought them home more than my 3 other siblings combined. So yeah, this has kept my stress levels very high, and even brought me to shout at my poor husband once because I am just that terrified and I felt he wasn’t taking me seriously. But we’re getting it sorted together, so hopefully we’ll lick it yet. Until then, my head is gonna be itchy. :s
I’m also in mourning a bit right now. I hit a fucking enough point with one of my closest friends the other day, and I’m not really sure I can continue on in the relationship. The behavior caused me to cease talking to them for years when we were younger, and we had fairly recently discussed this and the likelihood of it happening again. It did, I’m devastated, but… I don’t give third chances? I want to. I want to be convinced that it will never happen again and that I will get an apology for the increasingly dismissive and uninterested behavior that’s building up for months. I know they will be upset in the same way once they realize, but I don’t really know if they’re going to realize soon enough for me to still be malleable, and I continue to be furious to the point where I am seriously considering cutting off all possible lines of communication. I’ve already spent two days crying, and my eyes are painfully dry today.
But really, if not for those two things, I’d be doing pretty well. I *am* doing pretty well; I’m still eating and cracking jokes and finding pleasure in things. It doesn’t change that there’s hurt and stress, but it’s not devastating, even with the meds on the decrease. I’m still chatting with friends on Facebook and Twitter, I’m sleeping well, and… well. It’s mainly well. Plus, I think the kid might be moving around enough for me to feel him/her (I’m 17 weeks now), so that’s sort of neat. Yanno, as long as my ribs and bladder don’t become punching bags. xD
I should probably try to go to bed and do some reading. I hope everyone is doing well, and that the new year isn’t stressing y’all out too much.