Keeping It Low-Key
Still alive, still busy. And, of course, keeping things low-key. As I’ve noted in my last couple of posts, I’m running on mega-empty. And I’ve had the bonus the past week or two of picking up whatever bug is going around — woo! I used to not have to deal with this as much, ha ha, but I also lived alone and wasn’t around people as much. The pains of civilization, am I right?
But really, I’m holding up… as long as I keep myself from doing pretty much anything outside of my beloved office chair. Which works to an extent; I’ve got games here,and crafting supplies, and a line to the outside world. I’ve managed to coax a ‘local’ friend into my messenger net (mwuhahahah?), and I think that we’re both benefiting from the mutual support and camaraderie that we otherwise share in person a handful of times a year. I think that everyone can agree that having someone to talk to on the regular, especially one who can understand the woes of being invisibly unwell, is good for morale and mutual support.
And yeah, I know I need it right now, especially with being off of my meds. I’m ‘coping’… but that doesn’t mean that it’s glorious and bright. I catch my brain any number of times a day trying to steer me into destructive, self-sabotaging thinking. I might drift to thinking about Person X, and how they annoy me so much because of their invalidation of me, and suddenly I’m ragingly angry and there’s no outlet and no way to calm all the angry down. Whups. Oh sure, I’m still practicing mindfulness, and catching some of it before it gets that bad, but that doesn’t change the fact that mindfulness isn’t easy in the best of situations. Being off my meds and coping with increasingly severe chronic fatigue, most would agree, is anything but the best of times. But still, I struggle on (to quote my father-in-law). Yanno, as long as I don’t have to brain or move too much.
I’m glad you’re coping the best ways you know how. I agree, mindfulness can be quite a challenge! It takes constant practice, and I must admit I don’t focus on it nearly as much as I should.
Mmm, and even sometimes, it doesn’t stop it from still going all crap. *chuckles* I’ve been ridiculously low mood all day and I’m wary my brain is going to pull out some new trick I don’t know how to beat, but… such is life with bipolar!
“Invisibly unwell” is a great way to put a not-great thing.
There is someone who is on the outside of my life who accuses me of communicating poorly because they refuse to listen. Your comments have been great for reinforcing in my head that the issue is on their side, not mine. Thank you. <3