I figured that C-st on a Cracker might offend some of my Christian readers, so I was trying to figure out the best pairing using deity… I figure it’s a pretty good one, ha ha. Unless you’re one of those people who get huffy and insist it’s a doughnut, and really, I’m too cranky to argue over that one. *grins*

Still, it is apt. I have been in rather severe back pain the last couple of days. Is the kiddo on a nerve? I’m not really sure. I’m not really sure exactly where the kiddo is, though I have some guesses. All I know is that something might be pinched, but that there’s definitely ridiculous levels of pain necessitating lots of laying down. I’m not really good at laying down. I can’t nap ’cause it makes me feel significantly worse in spite of chronic fatigue making me feel non-stop exhausted. Like, makes me feel like I have been beaten with hammers worse; that doesn’t even take into account how much it screws up trying to maintain a sleep schedule, which as we know, is a VITAL thing in the Battle Against Bipolar. Because I’m tired, laying down too long risks falling asleep, and whelp. Thankfully, this laptop battery lasts a couple of hours, meaning that I can distract myself for a bit, and hopefully enable myself to not be flat out too long.

Not that laying down helps much, but right now, I’m sort of desperate for relief. I’ve tried that, hot baths, magnesium oil, Deep Heat. I had a friend using me as a Bowen Technique test case, though that didn’t seem to do much either. By the same token, I’m not inclined to cough up £40-60 for a massage that will likely only give very minor relief. I just sort of sigh — the muscles are all screwed up and out of place and full of relaxin. And of course, with my luck, it’s not just lower back — it’s all of the back, ha ha. I can hope that, like I think, part of it is a trapped nerve and the kiddo will shift and give me some relief, but. We’ll see. ‘Only’ another 40+ days… though of course, that’s a long time when pain is factored in (especially when the most powerful painkiller I can take is paracetamol/Tylenol, and that’s reputedly giving my baby ADHD ¬¬).

Still, at least my mental state is holding steady. Which is especially good, since my appointment letter came through… and is the week I’m due to give birth. Um… yeah… naw, that’s not gonna work. So I’ll have to call next week and get them to bump it back, which means I probably won’t get to see anyone until August or September. Sigh? A teensy bit, but at least my prescriptions are on repeat, and I’ve already got my basic plan of action organized for getting back on my meds, and getting my doses ramped up to where they were. Part of me wonders about going for less, but then I remember how super-mega-horrible depressed I was after Lilbit was born, and yeah… taking my meds properly is the smart idea to avoid postpartum depression atop bipolar depression. And I know that if things are too severe, I can take myself to A&E and talk to the on-duty psychiatrist, so that’s a boon. And I’m a lot better in tune with my mood and mental health now, so… woo? *waves tiny flag*

Anyhoos, as I am in need of not being in pain, I am going to console myself in some freshly baked cake, and then crawl into bed. Yes, cake — Lilbit and I have been making baking dates the last couple of weekends, and it has been joyful. Even as bad as the pain levels are today, I wanted very much to make one of my favorites with her — Coca-Cola cake. It’s a bit fussy, but completely worth it. Plus yanno, bonding with my kiddo and sharing one of my favourite hobbies instead of hiding from everyone… sort of nice. *pats slightly less broken brain*

Hope everyone out there is doing well!

<3